I don't need anyone else's mothers, I have mine.

This is literally your xmas present. Santa may bring a grapefruit in the stocking, but that is probably it. We’ll spend instead at the races.

— My mother, encouraging my gambling problems.

Posted July 21, 2009 at 1:10pm

My mom is cooler AND funnier than yours. Accept it, it's a fact. Since people need proof, these are things she says to me.